The Widowhood Effect

Prince Philip, The Duke of Edinburgh died on 9th April 2021. Just 15 months later Her Majesty The Queen died on the 8th Sept 2022. 

The Queen worked almost up to the day she died. Its reported that she received around 60,000 pieces of correspondence per year.  (I guess that excludes junk mail) and about 120,000 cards according to the official website of the British Royal Family

I last saw her when she visited The Royal Windsor Horse show a couple of years ago. She was enjoying being with her Cleveland Bay horses, a breed she saved from extinction. Watching her pop up all over the place chatting to people much to the consternation of the staff trying to keep an eye on her was amusing.  

When Steve died I was told by everyone to look after myself. A thoughtful thing people say. I didn’t realise how important it was though.

I heard nothing of a well documented phenomenon called the Widowhood Effect .  Older people (that’s me!!)  who've been together for years (44 yrs so I'm in the catchment group ) have a significantly increased risk of dying or becoming seriously ill during the first three months following the death of their spouse. That’s a sobering  thought! Depending on which research papers you read (I checked loads,  hoping  this was crap) the risk of death within a year can be increased anywhere between 66% and 90%. ! This means I took a serious look at my lifestyle choices and  habits. I miss Steve dreadfully but I certainly don't want to join him yet.  

Those dependent on their partner for emotional, financial and practical support  - That was me too! are also at huge risk of developing depression. 

It makes no difference if the death of the spouse was  illness or sudden. The impact  on the remaining spouse appears to be similar. The horror of realising what we shared has now gone forever certainly left me feeling empty.  Financial affairs and funeral plans had been addressed in advance yet still the shock of loss was a major blow.  I knew exactly how ill Steve but I chose to never lose hope. The day Steve died I lost my husband and also my hopes for the future.

Good News ! Here I am two years later. I dodged the widowhood effect. Did I need to know about it? Possibly not but knowing  sure as hell made me aware of the importance of looking after myself.