Onwards and Upwards

When Steve died, I had no idea what was to become of me. We’d been  friends since I was 14,  being at a girls only convent I never met other boys .  I left school at 16, He  was 18, we skipped off into the sunset against everyone’s advice. Lived in a caravan near the sewerage works in Oxford. Steve was simply my friend. He encouraged  me to do an access course, go to college in Oxford, study hard and so on .. not least because we were broke and clearly cooking, cleaning , shopping was not my thing for sure . My idea of protecting our children in 1978 was about joining CND. I took them in buggies to  rally’s and marches hoping to save the world from nuclear destruction. We realised neither of us had much experience of how the husband and wife  worked role from our own backgrounds. We cleverly made Michelle and Rikki,  but once we made them we didn't quite know what to do next.  I couldn't cook then, I had no idea how to do laundry as my clothes went off to school laundry and magically  came back clean and pressed.  There's no book to explain what a mother or father should do or feel. We loved our children but felt lost.

Steve worked every hour he could so I could study. The kids were raised  following the childcare book by  Dr Benjamin  Spock - a famous Paediatrician and Olympic athlete. I looked after my 9 year old sister too at that time. Dr Spocks advice on being a parent was 'Just love them, trust yourself, be bold and don't worry about others".  We don't have many memories of our mum so  rely on old photos. Home seemed to be about climbing trees , singing, entertaining and meeting friends at the pub. I do know mum danced well, taught music and from 1940's till I came along she was an excellent runner with Oxford City Ladies Athletics club. I remember meeting her coach Monty Hillier. He was a great athlete and inspired me to run when I was about age 7.

Steve never lived with a male person before we had Rikki. He was raised by his aunt in Cheshire. We didn't  know what we didn't know, so laughed and muddled our way through debt, disasters, car crashes, houses falling down, redundancies, babies, kids then living with teenagers. it was fun with lots of love. Our kids emerged brilliantly as hard working, loving, fun people who were unfazed picking themselves up when dramas occur, because they saw plenty get sorted. 

We had no worries, were happy living in our cold leaky caravan as teenagers so could adapt to anywhere. My plumber cousin Mike used to regularly repair our burst pipes and help us dry out our wet carpets in winter. The curtains often froze and the fluff of the blankets used to stick to the wall of the caravan. We always said we’d happily go back to those days ... and I would now.

The stuff and lifestyle of success others aspire to never really mattered to us. We never worried about the opinions of others as it was not our business what other people thought. That's how 44 years of  marriage worked for us. As a couple we focussed on fun, friendship and doing our own thing. Strangely we were different at work. we were both ambitious and expected things to be right and productive.

The past can’t be replicated so I close that long chapter with lots of smiles, the best memories and no regrets. It’s onward and upwards now.